1. Talk on the phone. Loudly and incessantly. Discuss your work, the new project that you've just taken charge of, your maid's habit of constantly coming late, your shopping (past, present and planned ) - esp your diwali shopping, the last movie you watched, future movie watching plans. Please go ahead and let all those around you know just how busy and important, hassled and harried, loved and sought after you are. After all, we're all in awe of the exciting life you lead!
2. Snore while sleeping. Loudly and incessantly. We know your boss flogged you at work and then the wife's constant nagging kept you awake all night long. So while you catch up on your dose of shuteye, treat us to the acoustics!
3. Again on sleep - use the next person's shoulder as a pillow . After all, each (wo)man is his(/her) brother (?)'s keeper and we won't mind at all. After all shoulders were created to comfort and succour the weary and going by points 1 & 2 above, we know just how weary you are!!!
4. Peep. Yeah - go ahead and peep into your co-passenger's mobile/laptop/ipod/book. And read the newspaper only when it's held in the next person's hand - it'll be far more exciting. Also, peep over seat dividers, shoulders, down her shirt ...... just go ahead!
5. Stare. Do this once you're bored of peeping. Or go ahead - just use those goggled eyes god (in his infinite wisdom) gave you! Stare at the next person's food/drink/bag/anatomy/ any thing goes buddy!!!
6. Do not hold back your brat - oops, your child / your very own precious little bundle of joy/whatever - from running up and down the aisle, yelling/crying/screaming (it's a healthy form of exercising the lungs you know!). Encourage the little tykes , exhort them to exhibit their fullest potential as inherited from their godlike parents (you ofcourse!), let them sing, dance, puke all over the place and spatter other travelers too...After all, kids will be kids.
7. Complete all your kids' school homework - excellent use of time and the rest of us get to revisit grammer, punctuation, word meanings, math tables . It's a serious public service.
Btw - am still in the train ;) and yes! am being subjected to all of the above (almost - no kid's puked on me - yet.).
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