After a long time actually s had quite forgotten what a mad rush it would be at the Volvo counter. Well, did get the ticket eventually but stood in line for almost 2 hrs - not helped by the fact that I had the proverbial flushed cheeks and fevered brow !
Had some interesting company on the way - discussed philisophy, religion and music apart from cursing the rude bastard sitting in front who refused to co-operate with reducing the recline angle on his chair - yeah I know those seats are meant to be reclined but seriously dude - have a care for the poor person sitting behind!
But really the journey was quite fun - Saahil , if you're reading this - don't worry you'll always be my favourite travel companion to Chandigarh and really I did miss you a bit yesterday - actually more because I knew you'd pitch in your own fight with the guy sitting in front.
So, am home now - Mom's happy and so's Sim though she seems to be giving me a bit of a cold shoulder. Poor kid looks haunted these days - she's either in tuition classes or furiously into her books at her desk - so a fight with me can't have helped the last week along. Methinks I have some serious making up to do - the Goa presents seem to have thawed her a bit but a lot remains to be done . Yeah - I admit I'm scaed of my own kid sister who may be almost a decade younger but is taller, beefier and can throw punches far harder than me - and yes, her anger is worse , way worse than mine!
More on this later :)
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Rudransh
Begin the Beguine – A chance meeting at the shop of a sardar selling pav bhaji at VT turned into a sustained discussion on the architectural differences between Delhi and Mumbai – the first time i met a mind capable of appreciating and even enjoying the city’s oft ignored colonial charms. The next few days saw us drenched in sudden downpours, dodging well dressed and barely-discernable-at-first eunuchs and freaking out over the invisible ghost haunting the fire temple opposite our apartment. Over bhajia pav, impromptu pedicures and some massive shopping expeditions, I finally found a friend equally at ease with Bertrand Russell and Tariq Ali – and a man neither intimidated nor bored by my own interest in geopolitics and ancient history.
The past 4 years have seen me walk in and out of your life at will Rudy – and i’ve never heard you complain or mind even once. I do the disappearing act one day and months later, i call at 2 am on a weekday and there you are – and that’s what really gets to me , your amazing ability to go the distance even for recalcitrant ‘Macavvity’ friends like me . I always laughed this off by singing Khuda Hafiz but you never let go...
And so, in the past couple of months, I’ve come to realize that beyond the sexy grin, the devil may care attitude and the smart mouthed wit, the Michael Porter meets Chanakya grey cells and your own special brand of creativity, beyond the Gopi Number 1 – Gopi Number 15 and the sheer confidence with which you carry yourself, beyond all this that is so obvious about you , the one thing that really sets you apart from the rest of us is the way you care – and the way you never ever make a huge fuss about it ....... just go on caring.....you're just always there !
So 4 years ago, I never thought I’d say this someday (but I guess I thought wrong ) - Rudy - you’ve gone from being an acquaintance to a pal to a buddy to a friend to someone who’ll always be a very special part of my life. Thanks for being there whenever I've needed my friend and thanks for time and again reminding me that a true Diva never gives up , especially when she’s got you by her side.
Jai Ho!
P.S. – I owe you a song (and a sonnet)..... I haven’t forgotten :)
The past 4 years have seen me walk in and out of your life at will Rudy – and i’ve never heard you complain or mind even once. I do the disappearing act one day and months later, i call at 2 am on a weekday and there you are – and that’s what really gets to me , your amazing ability to go the distance even for recalcitrant ‘Macavvity’ friends like me . I always laughed this off by singing Khuda Hafiz but you never let go...
And so, in the past couple of months, I’ve come to realize that beyond the sexy grin, the devil may care attitude and the smart mouthed wit, the Michael Porter meets Chanakya grey cells and your own special brand of creativity, beyond the Gopi Number 1 – Gopi Number 15 and the sheer confidence with which you carry yourself, beyond all this that is so obvious about you , the one thing that really sets you apart from the rest of us is the way you care – and the way you never ever make a huge fuss about it ....... just go on caring.....you're just always there !
So 4 years ago, I never thought I’d say this someday (but I guess I thought wrong ) - Rudy - you’ve gone from being an acquaintance to a pal to a buddy to a friend to someone who’ll always be a very special part of my life. Thanks for being there whenever I've needed my friend and thanks for time and again reminding me that a true Diva never gives up , especially when she’s got you by her side.
Jai Ho!
P.S. – I owe you a song (and a sonnet)..... I haven’t forgotten :)
Once...
...you were all that was real to me...
you still are ...all that's real to me....
...and you always will be.
you still are ...all that's real to me....
...and you always will be.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Scrapshots and fragments
January 2006 : it's a cold day and I've been wheeled out of the OT following a nose operation which, thanks to my adamant stance on pain of any kind has been completed successfully under GA as opposed to the more common local anasthetic. Deep is away at IIMA, participating in a variety of competitions, ranging from singing to choreography - the works! I have mom with me but I need Deep to be here , hold my hand , and generally commiserate with my current state.
Sometime during the day, the phone rings and it is him - he's far far away but he's with me. And over a bad connection I ask him to sing for me. And he does.
23 year old Divya lies on a hospital bed while 23 yr old Deep sings to her over a long distance call. I can see it in my mind and I'm smiling.
I'm haunted by his voice (as on the phone , singing that day).
I'm still walking...far away...
Sometime during the day, the phone rings and it is him - he's far far away but he's with me. And over a bad connection I ask him to sing for me. And he does.
23 year old Divya lies on a hospital bed while 23 yr old Deep sings to her over a long distance call. I can see it in my mind and I'm smiling.
I'm haunted by his voice (as on the phone , singing that day).
I'm still walking...far away...
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
It's early in the morning
And I should be asleep ! After all , with the hours I keep it's pretty late in the day for me. but I can't sleep . I'm haunted by something a friend said to me today - to wit - 'So here I keep dipping my cup of moronic hopefulness into my bucket and it keeps turning up stone dry' .
That one statement sums up so many moments - moments of despair, of having your heart walked on , of being thrown down every time you tried to stand, of twisted ankles when you wanted to run, of watching dreams shatter in a span of moments, of gasping for breath, of not knowing where you were and where you will end up, of dipping that damned cup over and over again, wishing and hoping and waiting...
I'm off to bed - tomorrow's another day I shall dip that cup yet again. And so will my friend.
One of these days I'll just fling the damn thing against the wall and laugh while it shatters into a million little pieces. I'll fling my friend's cup too. And then, I'll up-end both our buckets !!!
What Fun ;)
That one statement sums up so many moments - moments of despair, of having your heart walked on , of being thrown down every time you tried to stand, of twisted ankles when you wanted to run, of watching dreams shatter in a span of moments, of gasping for breath, of not knowing where you were and where you will end up, of dipping that damned cup over and over again, wishing and hoping and waiting...
I'm off to bed - tomorrow's another day I shall dip that cup yet again. And so will my friend.
One of these days I'll just fling the damn thing against the wall and laugh while it shatters into a million little pieces. I'll fling my friend's cup too. And then, I'll up-end both our buckets !!!
What Fun ;)
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Irritants - Part I
1. Red nail paint that won't go away properly till you've been to the parlor for a pedicure.
2. Post pedicure wait for the damn paint to dry off before you can slip your toes into your slippers and finally leave for home.
3. Soon to be ex- husbands who refuse to do the decent thing and grant you your freedom!
4. Waiting for the phone to ring.
5. Kid sisters who call and eat your brains about their birthday gifts (due from last year) when you're anyways irritated (see Irritant no. 3 above).
6. Wearing white and always (always - without fail always) spilling your food.
7. Crying out of sheer frustration at not being able to sock someone in the eye!
8. All of the above happening on the same day.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Odyssey - So LAME a Journey!
Was at Shahi's this entire week (still am !) and finished with the Sophie Kinsella I'd carried to tide me over. Since the very thought of not carrying enough reading material gives me the shivers, I managed to coerce Shahi & Rishi into accompanying me to the nearest bookstore.
Odyssey is one of those upmarket , mall oriented retailers that purport to sell books, music , gifts, stationery - well you get the drift. Since 'Books' is mentioned in a much bigger typeface on their shopping bags, I figured they were a safe bet for some intense retail therapy (my bad farang - I'm an avid reader).
Well without going into too much detail, I will only say that post 45 minutes of browsing, all I could come away with was 'The Beach ' by Alex Garland (a Penguine edition ?) and Isaac Asimov's Foundation. And that pretty much says it all!!! Oh and I searched and searched for a regular Parker fountain pen - but too no avail - in a store that has a lot of space devoted to 'Stationery' (well I did pick up some cute Chinese make erasers for my niece - atleast someone's happy!).
Actually , the fault is mine . I forgot that in a consumerist world fixated on 'flavor of the day', you can't expect a mall retailer (of any kinds) to offer comfort - they exist to dish up mass produced 'popular' stuff that's off the quicker than you or I can say 'Fountainhead' (MIA at Odyssey - and they don't carry a single copy of the Iliad or The Odyssey - tsk! tsk!). Then again , Crossword is a similar retail chain operating in the same segment (almost) and the experience is so much better !
Anyway - Shahi ended up picking this really cool pair of Shot Glasses (am not so much of a purist farang that I will only lament the irony here - those glasses are definitely the best buy of the lot!)
As for me , I will go back to haunting the old favorites at South Ext. in search of arcane titles and evocative experiences.
And I do have two damned good books to read!!!
Odyssey is one of those upmarket , mall oriented retailers that purport to sell books, music , gifts, stationery - well you get the drift. Since 'Books' is mentioned in a much bigger typeface on their shopping bags, I figured they were a safe bet for some intense retail therapy (my bad farang - I'm an avid reader).
Well without going into too much detail, I will only say that post 45 minutes of browsing, all I could come away with was 'The Beach ' by Alex Garland (a Penguine edition ?) and Isaac Asimov's Foundation. And that pretty much says it all!!! Oh and I searched and searched for a regular Parker fountain pen - but too no avail - in a store that has a lot of space devoted to 'Stationery' (well I did pick up some cute Chinese make erasers for my niece - atleast someone's happy!).
Actually , the fault is mine . I forgot that in a consumerist world fixated on 'flavor of the day', you can't expect a mall retailer (of any kinds) to offer comfort - they exist to dish up mass produced 'popular' stuff that's off the quicker than you or I can say 'Fountainhead' (MIA at Odyssey - and they don't carry a single copy of the Iliad or The Odyssey - tsk! tsk!). Then again , Crossword is a similar retail chain operating in the same segment (almost) and the experience is so much better !
Anyway - Shahi ended up picking this really cool pair of Shot Glasses (am not so much of a purist farang that I will only lament the irony here - those glasses are definitely the best buy of the lot!)
As for me , I will go back to haunting the old favorites at South Ext. in search of arcane titles and evocative experiences.
And I do have two damned good books to read!!!
Waiting and watching
I just took a decision I never thought I could (notice - I said 'could' not 'would'). And this was neither spontaneous nor the outcome of an intensive alcohol and gal pal 'sob on the shoulder - show him what you're made of gal!'session. Nor was I upset, angry, or traumatised when I decided on the one thing I never thought I could (bear with me farang - the oriental mindset is complex and multilayered).
What truly perplexes me is that I'm calm - so calm that I could probably be a weed plant - really and this is freaking me out - the fact that I have yet to truly freak out over the choice I've made (and will stick to on pain of death).
Maybe it will hit - one of these days I'll suffer a full blown cold turkey . I always said the infection was in my bloodstream . Maybe one day I will wake up shivering and sweating, rivers of blood running down my face (yeah - always felt more 'sympath' than Xhex), heart pounding, numbed, shocked , agonized .... And that's why I'm watching, always watching . And waiting.
But till that time (and it might happen, might not - who knows the drug is already out of my system, leached by time and torpor), I'm alive. More alive than I've ever been and maybe ever will be ...
As a friend once wrote - its goooood.......S'all good!
What truly perplexes me is that I'm calm - so calm that I could probably be a weed plant - really and this is freaking me out - the fact that I have yet to truly freak out over the choice I've made (and will stick to on pain of death).
Maybe it will hit - one of these days I'll suffer a full blown cold turkey . I always said the infection was in my bloodstream . Maybe one day I will wake up shivering and sweating, rivers of blood running down my face (yeah - always felt more 'sympath' than Xhex), heart pounding, numbed, shocked , agonized .... And that's why I'm watching, always watching . And waiting.
But till that time (and it might happen, might not - who knows the drug is already out of my system, leached by time and torpor), I'm alive. More alive than I've ever been and maybe ever will be ...
As a friend once wrote - its goooood.......S'all good!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Reflections - Thank You
'You made me laugh,
I'm crying your tears...'
I've tossed and turned, been wretched, aching , drowned in my own tears, had my heart drawn and quartered, my feelings scattered to the winds. I've wept and laughed and known not either emotion. I've questioned, debated and argued - Why Me ? Why Me?
All this while, I've known that there are many others who face worse and that 'but for the grace of god , there go I '. But I've now known of atleast one such person who has not only faced far worse, but done so with such courage and fortitude that her very life is a beacon to others.
Thank You. You know who you are. Thank you for sharing her life with me. I now know that there are far greater reserves of courage in every one of us , in me , than I ever though possible. I now know that life is beautiful not through others but through what we make of it. I will not let this pass me by. I will not cry or fall to life - I will welcome each day as it comes and live each moment to its fullest.
Once again - Thank You.
I'm crying your tears...'
I've tossed and turned, been wretched, aching , drowned in my own tears, had my heart drawn and quartered, my feelings scattered to the winds. I've wept and laughed and known not either emotion. I've questioned, debated and argued - Why Me ? Why Me?
All this while, I've known that there are many others who face worse and that 'but for the grace of god , there go I '. But I've now known of atleast one such person who has not only faced far worse, but done so with such courage and fortitude that her very life is a beacon to others.
Thank You. You know who you are. Thank you for sharing her life with me. I now know that there are far greater reserves of courage in every one of us , in me , than I ever though possible. I now know that life is beautiful not through others but through what we make of it. I will not let this pass me by. I will not cry or fall to life - I will welcome each day as it comes and live each moment to its fullest.
Once again - Thank You.
Request for Help!
Random visitors to this space: if any of you know how to peel a cashewnut, please post instructions. I'm thoroughly annoyed and irritated right now!!!
Savage Garden - makes complete sense to me!
Cool breeze and autumn leaves
Slow motion daylight
A lone pair of watchful eyes
Oversee the living
Feel the presence all around
A tortured soul
A wound unhealing
No regrets or promises
The past is gone
But you can still be free
If time will set you free
Time now to spread your wings
To take to flight
The life endeavour
Aim for the burning sun
You'll be trapped inside
But you can still be free
If time will set you free
But it's a long long way to go
Keep moving way up high
You see the light
It shines forever
Sail through the crimson skies
The purest light
The light that sets you free
If time will set you free
Sail through the wind and rain tonight
You're free to fly tonight
And you can still be free
And going higher than mountain tops
And go high the wind don't stop
And go high
Free to fly tonight
Free to fly tonight
Slow motion daylight
A lone pair of watchful eyes
Oversee the living
Feel the presence all around
A tortured soul
A wound unhealing
No regrets or promises
The past is gone
But you can still be free
If time will set you free
Time now to spread your wings
To take to flight
The life endeavour
Aim for the burning sun
You'll be trapped inside
But you can still be free
If time will set you free
But it's a long long way to go
Keep moving way up high
You see the light
It shines forever
Sail through the crimson skies
The purest light
The light that sets you free
If time will set you free
Sail through the wind and rain tonight
You're free to fly tonight
And you can still be free
And going higher than mountain tops
And go high the wind don't stop
And go high
Free to fly tonight
Free to fly tonight
Sunday morning
and the worst is over.....the Crocin helped I guess. Downed a couple at lunch yesterday (Thank You - TGIF for some amazing music)and then spent the evening hungover! Spent all night tossing and turning with a bad headache and nightmares. But its Sunday Morning - and the sun's out :). Also, am reassured that despite the strongest of urges to do so, didn't give in to the instinct to grab a spoon and dance on the table - yep have done this a few years back...... thank god for non repeats .....Tina I miss you buddy - wherefore art thou (o partner of childish and winsome delights)?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Frances Farmer will have her revenge onSeattle
And I have been wearing Deep's shirts to sleep of late - all his Sollys, Heusens, Phillipes have been turned into nightwear and I'm none too careful with usage.
Although the collars do get in the way of a good night's sleep......hmmmmmmm maybe the joke's on me then.....
Oh well whatever Never Mind......
Although the collars do get in the way of a good night's sleep......hmmmmmmm maybe the joke's on me then.....
Oh well whatever Never Mind......
aaannddd Ladies & Gentlemen we're back in business
And this time I hope to sustain the 'effort'. I'm inspired by another friend who is an avid blogger though not very tech savvy (self confessed). Also, it's been awhile since I managed to put thoughts together anywhere so there.....
Just back from Goa - ok it's been a week but it feels like a part of me is still walking down the beach at 6 in the morning! The ocean's beautiful at dawn and there peace and quiet all around -except the two overfriendly dogs i could've definitely done without :) and I was in good company. My total sleep tally over a period of three days reads at 4 hours .....for the rest of the time I was dancin' - be it in the water fighting high tide or on the dance floor. Notable activites also include banging on Dennis' door at 1.30 AM alongwith 10 other like minded ppl who believe VPs should not be allowed to sleep so early on what essentially was our last night in Goa - we decided to serenade the man with loud raucous renditions of 'Shirdi Waale Sai Baba'. Well he wasn't impressed - never opened the door so then we decided to go wake up everyone else..... banged on quite few doors - woke up most of our own and some poor petrified guests too (they probably thought - ah well it was too late in the night and wayyy tooo early in the day to think).
Will complete this later.....
The beach was amazing.....
The party was even better - no well close call between the party & the beach .....
Just back from Goa - ok it's been a week but it feels like a part of me is still walking down the beach at 6 in the morning! The ocean's beautiful at dawn and there peace and quiet all around -except the two overfriendly dogs i could've definitely done without :) and I was in good company. My total sleep tally over a period of three days reads at 4 hours .....for the rest of the time I was dancin' - be it in the water fighting high tide or on the dance floor. Notable activites also include banging on Dennis' door at 1.30 AM alongwith 10 other like minded ppl who believe VPs should not be allowed to sleep so early on what essentially was our last night in Goa - we decided to serenade the man with loud raucous renditions of 'Shirdi Waale Sai Baba'. Well he wasn't impressed - never opened the door so then we decided to go wake up everyone else..... banged on quite few doors - woke up most of our own and some poor petrified guests too (they probably thought - ah well it was too late in the night and wayyy tooo early in the day to think).
Will complete this later.....
The beach was amazing.....
The party was even better - no well close call between the party & the beach .....
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