"How the hell'd we wind up like this....why weren't we able.....to see the signs that we missed..."
Like the time you hit me so hard my head snapped back and hit the metal railing behind and we had to get all those scans done. What was it, that argument, over the red dress I was wearing and you weren't happy but I loved it so and it was my birthday and that was my birthday dress and as I caught admiring glances, you voiced protests and dire threats in an undertone and then as I argued back, you snapped and you hit me. And you swore it was the wine and the weather and the fact that I'd be leaving town again in a few days for a few months and it was driving you crazy and you loved me and you snapped and you were sorry oh baby please I'm sorry please forgive me and you'd never ever raise your hand on me ever again. And then a few months later, we sat in a park and argued and you snapped and you hit me again. And then I hit you back. And just like that, we became the couple that fought with fists and not just with words...
Or the time I went out partying with the class and the seniors and spent the entire evening nursing a solo drink, glued to the phone explaining that no I wasn't dancing and no I wasn't having fun and no all I wanted to do at my own freshman dance was to sit in a corner nursing a solo drink and talk to you and baby oh baby please don't leave me I love you so don't let me go stay with me a minute or two. And the minutes turned to hours and everyone laughed and drank and sang and danced and I talked to you till the battery ran out on the phone and the money was gone. And then when I called next, you were so worried for me you yelled and said why couldn't I have borrowed someone else's phone and called you and that I was a heartless bitch who was just playin' with your heart...And to punish me, you went for your freshman dance but swore you were home watching TV and I called and some girl picked up your phone and then it went off and then the next morning I was a crazy bitch for doubting you and no that wasn't a hangover just a headache brought on by watching TV all night...
Do you remember when I met a friend and we took that picture of us smiling, arm in arm because we were friends and you looked at it and said "You're sleeping with him aren't you?" and I was taken aback and before I could even process what you'd said my silence was held as proof of guilt and then there was that list of all my guy friends and folks who were practically family and knew me since childhood and had climbed trees with me and scraped knees together and studied for exams and classroom projects and shared high school gossip and broken hearts and teenage angst and nurtured dreams and fueled ambitions and cried over the occasional failed grade and held on through 20 years of life and for you, they were all men I'd slept with...and you made me tear that photo and you made me erase each number and you took me away from my friends and my family because oh baby you loved me so and you couldn't bear to put me in danger and the wicked world was a dangerous place and the only place I would ever be safe was in your arms and you held a knife to my throat and slashed...
The bills we ran up and I paid for, the fancy wedding and the gifts you wanted for your family that I paid for and the joint account with my money that you withdrew before walking out the door and the money you want now for freeing me from this farce of a marriage. And my dreams and my hopes and my love and my trust and all of me that I poured into you my heart my lifeblood my soul that went down the drain like milk turned sour.....and my inability to trust myself or anyone else again and my rage and my tears and my sleepless nights and my nightmares and the days when everything is lost and I am broken and beyond repair .......all this and more......
I WANT MY NICKLE BACK.
Like the time you hit me so hard my head snapped back and hit the metal railing behind and we had to get all those scans done. What was it, that argument, over the red dress I was wearing and you weren't happy but I loved it so and it was my birthday and that was my birthday dress and as I caught admiring glances, you voiced protests and dire threats in an undertone and then as I argued back, you snapped and you hit me. And you swore it was the wine and the weather and the fact that I'd be leaving town again in a few days for a few months and it was driving you crazy and you loved me and you snapped and you were sorry oh baby please I'm sorry please forgive me and you'd never ever raise your hand on me ever again. And then a few months later, we sat in a park and argued and you snapped and you hit me again. And then I hit you back. And just like that, we became the couple that fought with fists and not just with words...
Or the time I went out partying with the class and the seniors and spent the entire evening nursing a solo drink, glued to the phone explaining that no I wasn't dancing and no I wasn't having fun and no all I wanted to do at my own freshman dance was to sit in a corner nursing a solo drink and talk to you and baby oh baby please don't leave me I love you so don't let me go stay with me a minute or two. And the minutes turned to hours and everyone laughed and drank and sang and danced and I talked to you till the battery ran out on the phone and the money was gone. And then when I called next, you were so worried for me you yelled and said why couldn't I have borrowed someone else's phone and called you and that I was a heartless bitch who was just playin' with your heart...And to punish me, you went for your freshman dance but swore you were home watching TV and I called and some girl picked up your phone and then it went off and then the next morning I was a crazy bitch for doubting you and no that wasn't a hangover just a headache brought on by watching TV all night...
Do you remember when I met a friend and we took that picture of us smiling, arm in arm because we were friends and you looked at it and said "You're sleeping with him aren't you?" and I was taken aback and before I could even process what you'd said my silence was held as proof of guilt and then there was that list of all my guy friends and folks who were practically family and knew me since childhood and had climbed trees with me and scraped knees together and studied for exams and classroom projects and shared high school gossip and broken hearts and teenage angst and nurtured dreams and fueled ambitions and cried over the occasional failed grade and held on through 20 years of life and for you, they were all men I'd slept with...and you made me tear that photo and you made me erase each number and you took me away from my friends and my family because oh baby you loved me so and you couldn't bear to put me in danger and the wicked world was a dangerous place and the only place I would ever be safe was in your arms and you held a knife to my throat and slashed...
The bills we ran up and I paid for, the fancy wedding and the gifts you wanted for your family that I paid for and the joint account with my money that you withdrew before walking out the door and the money you want now for freeing me from this farce of a marriage. And my dreams and my hopes and my love and my trust and all of me that I poured into you my heart my lifeblood my soul that went down the drain like milk turned sour.....and my inability to trust myself or anyone else again and my rage and my tears and my sleepless nights and my nightmares and the days when everything is lost and I am broken and beyond repair .......all this and more......
I WANT MY NICKLE BACK.
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