I just took a decision I never thought I could (notice - I said 'could' not 'would'). And this was neither spontaneous nor the outcome of an intensive alcohol and gal pal 'sob on the shoulder - show him what you're made of gal!'session. Nor was I upset, angry, or traumatised when I decided on the one thing I never thought I could (bear with me farang - the oriental mindset is complex and multilayered).
What truly perplexes me is that I'm calm - so calm that I could probably be a weed plant - really and this is freaking me out - the fact that I have yet to truly freak out over the choice I've made (and will stick to on pain of death).
Maybe it will hit - one of these days I'll suffer a full blown cold turkey . I always said the infection was in my bloodstream . Maybe one day I will wake up shivering and sweating, rivers of blood running down my face (yeah - always felt more 'sympath' than Xhex), heart pounding, numbed, shocked , agonized .... And that's why I'm watching, always watching . And waiting.
But till that time (and it might happen, might not - who knows the drug is already out of my system, leached by time and torpor), I'm alive. More alive than I've ever been and maybe ever will be ...
As a friend once wrote - its goooood.......S'all good!
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