The Singles' Rule

This one has been awhile in the making now ....... it's crafted itself out of experiences - in retail therapy, spa visits, eating out, dancing out, making out, just living actually . It's pretty much written itself from all the gawks, the stares, the open mouthed jaw dropping looks of astonishment and pretty much whatever facial expressions/ body language the world could throw as those of us who're called 'The Singles' as we go about on our retail therapy, spa visits, eating out, dancing out, making out and just living our lives - to the fullest .

Really - living it to the fullest...

1. When we say we're living our lives to the FULLEST, we REALLY MEAN IT : take it as a fact. And not as if we were trying to explain or justify or cover up in some way for being single. Because we really aren't - we're actually too busy enjoying our lives to the hilt to really try and cover up for a 'lack' that we don't even feel. Which brings us to-

2. We're single by choice - let's look at the logic on this one first. Given the population that this world has, do you really think most of us couldn't pair up / be paired up with if we'd wanted to??? The thing is, we're so busy with Point No. 1. above, we wouldn't want to just settle for anything that walks , talks and can 'rise to the occasion' on occasion. We'd want to give up being single only if we really think we've met someone we like enough to want to transition from all the 'singles fun' to all the 'paired up fun' (I'm sure that world exists too - seriously). We're willing to trade up - but not trade off.

3. We have friends and families - who care about us and who we care about deeply. We hang out with them all the time , except when we'd just like some alone time by ourselves. We're always in the thick of things social and familial, we love to go over to the extended clan's house every now and then for home cooked meals and family banter, we also spend time ripping apart/ defending (depending on where our mood's at) our best buddies to their home folks while eating home cooked food at their houses. Family time is not the exclusive domain of couples/ paired ups.

4. Our friends are a part of our lives - but our entire life doesn't revolve around them . And this one cuts both ways. Like all animals, we herd together - at parties and malls and brunches and movies etc... We love each other, we'll always be there for each other but - we have our own separate lives too. So the next time you look at one of us and think our choice of lifestyle has anything to do with wanting to be with our friends 24/7 - think again. Which brings me to -

5. We cherish our alone time - days spent lazing around the house doing nothing, jogging to music in the mornings, catching winter sunlight on the terrace with coffee and a good book - just being ourselves by ourselves. We simply love it. And when the socializing gets too much, we crave our alone time enough to spend entire weekends by ourselves as well as spending time on -

6. Vacations and eat outs and shopping sprees and watching movies - all of this doesn't necessarily have to be a shared experience all the time. We get hungry - and that doesn't mean we have to rely on takeout or cook our own meal - we're very well able and entitled to a table for one at the nearest pizzeria/fine dine. Repeat after me - Dining out is not the exclusive domain of pairs/groups, Vacationing is not the exclusive domain of pairs/groups, Retail Therapy works equally well when you're indulging in it all by yourself and watching a good movie by oneself doesn't mean we're losers who no-one wants to watch a movie with.

7. We're responsible adults - sure we date around, have impromptu sleepovers, get a li'l high and more than a li'l naughty every now and then but then the alarm clock rings and like everyone else who has a job, we hit the shower and get to work. We exchange glances and winks with random strangers at a bar - but only when we know we have solid backup to rely on in case the sitch gets too hot to handle. When the day's been rough, we catch up with the 'gang' over a drink or coffee (depending on what tomorrow's supposed to look like), we hook up with people we like and who like us back enough to hook up with us - but we keep our priorities straight and we play it safe. Translated - not all of us are junked up alcoholics having random sex with random strangers every night who then wake up by the roadside/ in said random strangers' beds and do the walk of shame...

8. We don't hate you or envy you or yearn for your way of life - sure, we get lonely sometimes but that doesn't make us want to give up what we have for the next best offer of couple-dom that comes along. As mentioned earlier, we won't just settle, when the time comes - we'll make an informed decision so that we don't look back and regret the transition from some of the best days of our lives to something not quite as exciting. We think our 'couple friends' rock - we're happy that they're happy and if not, we try and help them get there. Negativity of any kind is not an option - we're too busy living this life before we move on to another phase to envy/hate/yearn.

Those were the '8' that crafted themselves - readers are welcome to post more of their own.

This transient feeling

like life is just a fleeting memory made up of memories strung together with fine silken threads......as if there's so much that blurs upon focus and is thrown into sharp relief with a bird's eye view.......this transient feeling as if life itself is transient...........fleeting.........flowing along its own course........and I'm merely flowing along with it.......

I solemnly swear I'm neither drunk nor high ! Except maybe I drank enough of life and am high on it now ;-).

And I'm happy

I hate that cologne - but......for now, my hair positively reeks of it - and in this moment, I'm happy. :-)

Lazy Lazy Sunday

For once, I woke up feeling peaceful - not particularly rested though, mind you, since as always I'd slept only with the advent of dawn, but peaceful nevertheless. Maybe it's because I made my own dinner last night - after I don't know how many weekends worth (5 years maybe) of takeout, I finally ate a home cooked meal last night. Or maybe, it's the pensiveness that often accompanies reading anything by William Dalrymple - I finished his marvelous ' City of Djinns' for the second time last night. Predictably enough, I feel like trawling through Delhi's much touted though sadly neglected tourist spots - Qutab Minar, Red Fort, Lodhi Gardens, Humayun's Tomb et al.
But then I've always loved this about Delhi - scratch away the filth and grime and filter out the din of clamoring Punjabis and shrieking Jats and Gujjar - and at a turn and a step, you will see glimpses of a much refined age -  hear the tinkle of laughter and bells on a nautch girl's anklets, smell the sweet jasmine scent off a vine planted it seems aeons ago - or maybe even hear the clash of swords.  This city has seen birth and death and destruction and rebirth - this city is a phoenix - it rises from its ashes - vibrant and new - although, this time it may just have met its match in its current inhabitants. Amidst the hustle and bustle of gleaming glass fronted facades and the sound of mall rats scurrying away to wherever the next Dior or Gucci store opens, there are still, quiet times and a softness in the twilight. This is the City of my birth - it exasperates me to no end but at the end of it, its fascinating sense of the old and the arcane, its finely strung balance between the sacred and the profane (and both abound withing the warrens and recesses of the city), its secrets hidden out in the open, the esoteric right in the face for all to see - its heady bouquet of the long gone, the has been and the yet to come - yes I love Delhi.

Oh Me

I don't get this. I mean I really don't. Is this some sort of cosmic joke? I mean haven't we had enough of it by now???
I keep seeing things that I'm either not meant to see or that are not meant to be. And I don't understand why - if they're out of scope either way. If there's a particular lesson to be learned, I think I've got it by now - so STOP.
I have only so much patience left in me - and it's fast running out.

Takeoff

...so there's the earth and its gravity pulling at you like an anchor - and then there's metal and the mind of man....and then, the wheels leave the ground and I'm free...


Takeoffs are my favorite part of the flight :-)

Just arrived .......Just departed

Oh no....no one's died - yet. It's just how I feel - about a certain feeling. About feeling a feeling so transient that it seems to have died a rather sudden death and way premature at that ! But then so was its arrival - sudden and wayyyy premature :-). So now that I'm smart enough to understand that quick observatory based presumptions make for extremely shaky foundations ( now that I've been proven wrong on two counts - there goes the fabled inner antenna and intuition be damned!) - and given that dreams are but gossamer strings of candy floss fragility, the two do not go hand in hand together - I'd best dust off the last vestiges of this 'transient feeling' and run away as fast as I can.
But what I do want to hold on to is 'hope' - I met, I saw and I liked what I saw - and for a change, the liking was not born out of mere politeness nor was I being kind. I liked what I saw enough to feel like I felt - and boy! I haven't felt like this in a very long time - so I will now carry the hope that somewhere, all is not lost and that there does exist another being who can make me feel the way I yearn to feel again.
Enough with the ramble - I gotta go ......there's a whole life out there just waiting to be lived. And it's fun.

Shadowlands - Yearning

'In the shadow-lands
When lines are blurred
And my dreams are yours – for an infinite heartbeat'




In the silhouette of the morn
As the lark croons it's sweetest song

I watch you fade into the night
With the advent of every dawn

Across the bridge that burns with light
My yearning takes to solitary flight
I long for chasms to be bridged anew
With the advent of another night

Of neither light nor dark I know
Nor heed the seer’s tidings of woe
My every thought yet calls for you
And chafes at time’s passage slow

Then shadows fall and you walk my way
And though I know you cannot stay

Yet hope still springs eternal deep
And holds us in its enchanting sway


We meet through thundered mist and rain
And renewed joy yet dulls the pain
In the shadow-lands we tread

Love’s labor lost – our dreams in vain

Shadowlands

'In the shadowlands
 Where lines blur
 Where do you end .....where do I begin'

In the shadow of the night
When darkness veils our heart's delight
In the shadowlands we tread
When yearning bridges our great divide

I hear your voice as you call my name
Through thunder mist and shadowed rain
I cleave to you I know not why
For yonder lies little joy and much pain

Yet in this moment I am lost
No matter ill fortune's weary cost
My only anchor a rootless bond
And sibilant whispers from the haunting past

In shadowland's temptuous wanton dark
Beyond the morn-song of the lark
Where do you end - where do I start
When blurs the line, the divisive mark

By word and look I perish here
I heed your call and know no fear
Until yet dawns the daily light
And throws in stark relief - our reality clear.

Welcome 2011

...and it's freakishly cold out so all bets are off...departing with the usual tradition of 'what I do today continues throughout the year', I'm stayin' in - and not getting unduly worried over not getting to the gym, going grocery shopping, hanging out - whatever! As of now, I'm 3 blankets down, watching The Sing Off Season 2 reruns and getting to a really really good place with all that music ;-). Monday, I start a new year at work - one that will be challenging and crazy - but for now, it's a cold wintry Saturday 11.30, there's a bit of sun and a whole day to look forward to. Hello 2011 - try not to rain so much (on my parade or otherwise) :-)

She

I want to be her again
That girl knew how to laugh
And she'd make her tears count

She'd wake with a smile
Come rain, shine or bad hair days
Each moment an 'experience' to be lived

That girl knew pain (oh yes she did indeed!)
But she knew it was fleeting
She'd simply wait for it to pass by

Life was one fun puzzle
She loved her daily clues
People, places and oh just so many things to do

Oh - she had her doubts (she knew she weren't perfect)
And her moments of insanity
And then there'd be light again - Pippa's passes

I've lost her somewhere you see
I killed her - it seems aeons ago
That life the rain the moments the laughter
That girl that once was me...

...Don't you....forget about me...

Chicken soup for my soul - on a day when chicken soup should've been the order of the day was a flick I classify as 'retro' - more so because it's an early nineties high school classic. Considered by some to be John Hughes' finest - I watched 'The Breakfast Club'. And loved it. And cannot stop singing the opening number by Simple Minds.

Compared to what I usually consider classic, fave or must watch - The Breakfast Club is from a different genre altogether. One of , or arguably 'the' Brat Pack movies, the story is simple enough : 5 high school students get detention in the form of 8 hours at the school library on a Saturday, by the end of which each is required to submit an essay on who they think they are. The 8 hours on a Saturday bit had me cringing - as did Judd Nelson's hairstyle (points up for anyone who thinks the man was the inspiration behind Salman Khan's locks in his first few films - I found the resemblance uncanny !). But what I totally loved was the shallow (an hour and a half does not a deep dive make - atleast not in the early 90s) exploration of teen angst - how when we're 16 or thereabouts our parents are our biggest enemies and we're so scared of growing up and turning into versions of the same. How, the biggest 'fuck you' a pampered Teen Miss Priss can offer her parents is by way of dating a low class Criminal with totally intense eyes and a 'devil may care' attitude. How even Geeks have hearts and non algebraic emotions - even if the tears came on because the lamp wouldn't light! And how the sexy Jock wishes he weren't one - and will date a Basketcase once she cleans up her act and wears makeup and a headband - and said Basketcase will have her act cleaned up by previously mentioned Teen Queen who does this as her act of redemption for the day ("Why're you being nice to me?" "Because you're letting me!").

The dialogues are as simplistic as the plotline. And oddly realistic too - witness Jock telling Basketcase in reference to previously mentioned makeover - "....nothing's wrong....it's just different....I can see your face". Tell me you havn't said/heard/witnessed (depending on whether you were a Jock/a Basketcase with a makeover/a fly on the wall) similar conversation in your school days. And the 90's music makes for an easy on the ears listening during the archtypical everybody gets together and dances to pass away time scenes.

Estevez and Sheedy's hesitant kiss towards the end was a cliche as was the Nelson - Shannon exchange of a diamond stud as a promise ring - wait a minute! - that was right in front of Shannon's car where, I'm assuming her concerned Dad (assumption since he actually dropped her off at school in the morning instead of sending over a driver) would've noticed his li'l princess removing a christmas gift diamond and placing it in the leather gloved hand of her newly acquired Deanesque BF. Wow - that unexplored plotline alone makes for sequel by itself.
Hey - I loved it. Totally. And am now downloading St. Elmo's Fire, Sixteen Candles, Some Kind of Wonderful all the way to Oxford Blues (I already own Pretty in Pink).

P.S. - go watch Inception. I loved that too. Totally different genre (I have an eclectic taste) - and total headrush! And no - mentioning it in this post does not mean I'm equating its cerebral appeal with the high school angst genre - or chicken soup.

Ripped

And if this pain exists, it too is your gift to me and I shall wear this as my personal brand of courage - for I am a fighter - I was meant to live and not merely survive!
So help me God.

Otis Redding

played on this Sunday morning got me thinking about the last days of December 2004. There we were , TJ, Akhil, Rick and me - cleaning up the aftermath of a gigantic parents-away-let's-trash-this-place party while studying for the upcoming trimesters. TJ's b'day sometime around Christmas , me hitting some smarmy (but cute) buddy of his on the head with a breezer bottle - never ever patronize me , esp when i'm drunk (and yes, I can get happily high on breezers alone:) ) - Arun psyching out the poor rickshaw driver as we went out late night to get more booze, all of us sitting in a 'karmic'/'panchayati' circle in the park sharing smidgens of drunken 'gyan'. Flashback memory also recalls waking up to the news of the Tsunami, discovering that the house was well and truly trashed (someone tried to flush beer bottles down the loo!) and that we had enough leftover biryani for 3 days and no more money (so yeah - the next 3 days were all abt biryani and creative inputs like ketchup, bhujia, popcorn(?) - you get the drift), more bottles retrieved from the potted plants in the balcony, Kotler and dumbbells (so one of us would work out while answering questions on the 4Ps, 7Cs and whatever...). And then there was otis Redding.
The song in question is called 'Sitting(on the) Dock of the Bay' - and for some reason, all 4 of us found it to be more profound than Floyd,Cobain,Jim (my)(Morrison and Hendrix),Pearl Jam, LedZep - well we'd just sit/ stand in the balcony, swaying our heads to this number played over and over and over again as we watched the Bandra sea. And we thought life was real tough , so screwed up and complicated , we didn't know where we were and where we were going - and so we just worked out with Kotler and sang Otis Redding while coping up with beer stains on the ceiling and cigarette burns on the sofa ...
Those were the days - I'd rather deal with the 'complications' of then as opposed to the seriously screwed up 'here and now'.
Fuck - some day today will be 'those days' and I shudder to think that tomorrow's 'here and now' might be a lot worse.
For now, I will simply sway to Sitting on the dock of the bay ..........

It's official.....

.....I have turned into weepy woman. Gone is the high of the last couple of months when all was bright and starry, shining and glittering with opportunities. I seem to have hit rock bottom ; and no - it's not just because of yesterday's events - they were merely the last straw, not root cause. I don't know what the root cause is. And I don't care - to know or to fight this downward spiral. It sucks - everything - life, lifestyle, career, me and the world around me, everyone, everything....

I have no love, no life , no career, no goals, no kids, no smiles and no laughter.....

I'm going to get royally drunk tonight and then bawl my eyes out.

Travel Etiquette

1. Talk on the phone. Loudly and incessantly. Discuss your work, the new project that you've just taken charge of, your maid's habit of constantly coming late, your shopping (past, present and planned ) - esp your diwali shopping, the last movie you watched, future movie watching plans. Please go ahead and let all those around you know just how busy and important, hassled and harried, loved and sought after you are. After all, we're all in awe of the exciting life you lead!

2. Snore while sleeping. Loudly and incessantly. We know your boss flogged you at work and then the wife's constant nagging kept you awake all night long. So while you catch up on your dose of shuteye, treat us to the acoustics!

3. Again on sleep - use the next person's shoulder as a pillow . After all, each (wo)man is his(/her) brother (?)'s keeper and we won't mind at all. After all shoulders were created to comfort and succour the weary and going by points 1 & 2 above, we know just how weary you are!!!

4. Peep. Yeah - go ahead and peep into your co-passenger's mobile/laptop/ipod/book. And read the newspaper only when it's held in the next person's hand - it'll be far more exciting. Also, peep over seat dividers, shoulders, down her shirt ...... just go ahead!

5. Stare. Do this once you're bored of peeping. Or go ahead - just use those goggled eyes god (in his infinite wisdom) gave you! Stare at the next person's food/drink/bag/anatomy/ any thing goes buddy!!!

6. Do not hold back your brat - oops, your child / your very own precious little bundle of joy/whatever - from running up and down the aisle, yelling/crying/screaming (it's a healthy form of exercising the lungs you know!). Encourage the little tykes , exhort them to exhibit their fullest potential as inherited from their godlike parents (you ofcourse!), let them sing, dance, puke all over the place and spatter other travelers too...After all, kids will be kids.

7. Complete all your kids' school homework - excellent use of time and the rest of us get to revisit grammer, punctuation, word meanings, math tables . It's a serious public service.

Btw - am still in the train ;) and yes! am being subjected to all of the above (almost - no kid's puked on me - yet.).

In which I blaspheme freely...

Unwanted Grace,
O' cruel sound,
Why dost thou saveth a wretched me,
I am forever lost,
And want not to be found,
Am blind,
and forever will be ...

And the earth will still spin on its own axis......

Barack Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize 2009. By doing so, he now joins the ranks of past recipients like Lech Walesa, Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King for his service to mankind. His contributions towards creating a better world are now ranked on par with those Amnesty International, UN Peace Keeping Forces, Medecins Sans Frontieres, ICRC and Amnesty International.

Congratulations .

Over the next few days (or even months and maybe for years to come), this news will dominate all media – print, audio and visual. There will be articles, there will be critiques, paens , odes (ok -this is exaggerated but still…).The committee's decision will be lauded, criticized, debated and dissected at various fora. Seemingly, history has been made. We may never hear the end of it.

I have but one thought - Mahatma Gandhi has never been awarded the Nobel Prize. He was nominated 5 times but he has never won.

Liberated...

from tradition.

from societal diktats.

from mental blocks.

from a 7 year habit.

from fasting.

from you.

Happy Karva Chauth (loser!).

Opportunity Cost

Don't get me wrong - this is no longer about you. With you I've made my peace - rather - am in the process of regaining my sense of balance (you did sweep me off my feet - in the beginning and at the end!). About you, I've realized that it is indeed better to have loved and lost as opposed to having never loved at all ; someday, I hope I will believe that it was actually better for me to have loved and lost (you), that to have kept loving !

So you see, this is really no more about you.

No. This is about the ones that I never loved at all - because I was busy loving you. The men who were scarce spared a glance because I was too caught up in you. The ones who glanced and smiled but received only a frown and a distracted look because I was lost in thoughts of you. This is about the ones who had live with being 'just friends' because they were constantly reminded that I was 'off limits' - who knew I would lay my head on their shoulder only to sob my heart out whenever you so chose to break it - they consoled themselves with the thought that it was better to be my buddy and know me than to have never known me at all (and I know this because they told me - in as many words!). The ones who have swallowed pain and utter misery because unknowingly, unthinkingly, I broke their heart over yours.

This is about the one man who's heart is still broken.

They were my Opportunity Cost - my next best alternative foregone - because I chose you. I do not regret choosing you (mostly) - but - yeah, the loss of my OC hurts. Because some of them really were amazing people - and most of them will never come back.

So these days when I think of us and where we are today, my sorrow has more to do with my losing out on fantastic opportunities and very little to do with losing you. For losing you is a loss I can bear...