It's official.....

.....I have turned into weepy woman. Gone is the high of the last couple of months when all was bright and starry, shining and glittering with opportunities. I seem to have hit rock bottom ; and no - it's not just because of yesterday's events - they were merely the last straw, not root cause. I don't know what the root cause is. And I don't care - to know or to fight this downward spiral. It sucks - everything - life, lifestyle, career, me and the world around me, everyone, everything....

I have no love, no life , no career, no goals, no kids, no smiles and no laughter.....

I'm going to get royally drunk tonight and then bawl my eyes out.

Travel Etiquette

1. Talk on the phone. Loudly and incessantly. Discuss your work, the new project that you've just taken charge of, your maid's habit of constantly coming late, your shopping (past, present and planned ) - esp your diwali shopping, the last movie you watched, future movie watching plans. Please go ahead and let all those around you know just how busy and important, hassled and harried, loved and sought after you are. After all, we're all in awe of the exciting life you lead!

2. Snore while sleeping. Loudly and incessantly. We know your boss flogged you at work and then the wife's constant nagging kept you awake all night long. So while you catch up on your dose of shuteye, treat us to the acoustics!

3. Again on sleep - use the next person's shoulder as a pillow . After all, each (wo)man is his(/her) brother (?)'s keeper and we won't mind at all. After all shoulders were created to comfort and succour the weary and going by points 1 & 2 above, we know just how weary you are!!!

4. Peep. Yeah - go ahead and peep into your co-passenger's mobile/laptop/ipod/book. And read the newspaper only when it's held in the next person's hand - it'll be far more exciting. Also, peep over seat dividers, shoulders, down her shirt ...... just go ahead!

5. Stare. Do this once you're bored of peeping. Or go ahead - just use those goggled eyes god (in his infinite wisdom) gave you! Stare at the next person's food/drink/bag/anatomy/ any thing goes buddy!!!

6. Do not hold back your brat - oops, your child / your very own precious little bundle of joy/whatever - from running up and down the aisle, yelling/crying/screaming (it's a healthy form of exercising the lungs you know!). Encourage the little tykes , exhort them to exhibit their fullest potential as inherited from their godlike parents (you ofcourse!), let them sing, dance, puke all over the place and spatter other travelers too...After all, kids will be kids.

7. Complete all your kids' school homework - excellent use of time and the rest of us get to revisit grammer, punctuation, word meanings, math tables . It's a serious public service.

Btw - am still in the train ;) and yes! am being subjected to all of the above (almost - no kid's puked on me - yet.).

In which I blaspheme freely...

Unwanted Grace,
O' cruel sound,
Why dost thou saveth a wretched me,
I am forever lost,
And want not to be found,
Am blind,
and forever will be ...

And the earth will still spin on its own axis......

Barack Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize 2009. By doing so, he now joins the ranks of past recipients like Lech Walesa, Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King for his service to mankind. His contributions towards creating a better world are now ranked on par with those Amnesty International, UN Peace Keeping Forces, Medecins Sans Frontieres, ICRC and Amnesty International.

Congratulations .

Over the next few days (or even months and maybe for years to come), this news will dominate all media – print, audio and visual. There will be articles, there will be critiques, paens , odes (ok -this is exaggerated but still…).The committee's decision will be lauded, criticized, debated and dissected at various fora. Seemingly, history has been made. We may never hear the end of it.

I have but one thought - Mahatma Gandhi has never been awarded the Nobel Prize. He was nominated 5 times but he has never won.

Liberated...

from tradition.

from societal diktats.

from mental blocks.

from a 7 year habit.

from fasting.

from you.

Happy Karva Chauth (loser!).

Opportunity Cost

Don't get me wrong - this is no longer about you. With you I've made my peace - rather - am in the process of regaining my sense of balance (you did sweep me off my feet - in the beginning and at the end!). About you, I've realized that it is indeed better to have loved and lost as opposed to having never loved at all ; someday, I hope I will believe that it was actually better for me to have loved and lost (you), that to have kept loving !

So you see, this is really no more about you.

No. This is about the ones that I never loved at all - because I was busy loving you. The men who were scarce spared a glance because I was too caught up in you. The ones who glanced and smiled but received only a frown and a distracted look because I was lost in thoughts of you. This is about the ones who had live with being 'just friends' because they were constantly reminded that I was 'off limits' - who knew I would lay my head on their shoulder only to sob my heart out whenever you so chose to break it - they consoled themselves with the thought that it was better to be my buddy and know me than to have never known me at all (and I know this because they told me - in as many words!). The ones who have swallowed pain and utter misery because unknowingly, unthinkingly, I broke their heart over yours.

This is about the one man who's heart is still broken.

They were my Opportunity Cost - my next best alternative foregone - because I chose you. I do not regret choosing you (mostly) - but - yeah, the loss of my OC hurts. Because some of them really were amazing people - and most of them will never come back.

So these days when I think of us and where we are today, my sorrow has more to do with my losing out on fantastic opportunities and very little to do with losing you. For losing you is a loss I can bear...

Cinders baby - this shoe fits!

'Come lay beside me, this won't hurt I swear
She loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love again...'

Manipulative

Yesterday was Hanu's birthday. Hanu is my fave cousin ......he's my maternal uncle's son and next in line for whatever.....just a year n half younger to me and he n I have always been as thick as thieves. Mostly since we were the only two brats in the family for almost 5 odd years till Koko came along to liven things up. So well, yesterda was his birthday.
And I forgot . I just plain dumb forgot!
And the big deal on that is that all his life, I've never ever forgotten his birthday - I'mnormally the first one to call him and wish - no matter where I am I always call. And I forgot!!!
So I woke up this morning and my first thought was that it was Hanu's birthday yesteday and I forgot. And so, I decided to bluff my way through . I sent him a nice , cheery, well worded birthday wish and also hinted that I'd bought something really nice for him - the idea being that either he would fall for the trick and think his birthday actually was today (yeah I actually tried to do this!) or he would concentrate on the gift but or better still both!
Obviously , he wrote back that he was very angry and upset that I forgot - he waited for my call all day - and he really was pissed.
I still refused to give in and admit that I did indeed .....ahem! So I actually wrote back , askinghim to shutup and remember that his birthday actually was today and the proof of that was that since I never forget his birthday, ergo it must be today and it was he infact who actually forgot and presumed it was yesterday ! (Call me evil farang just go ahead and say it!)
True to his role as an eversuffering younger brother to an evil bitch like me, he sweetly responded with the words ' well everyone else wished me yesterday and i also cut the cake yesterday so i think it was yesterday but if you insist, i'll celebrate again today, i really don't mind shifting dates by a day!'.
I still havn't admitted to ......ummmmm......well let's just say I'll stick to saying he was born on the 30th and not on the 29th. Manipulative me .....
Hanu - here's wishing you a year of joy and a lifetime of happiness (irrespective of yesterday, today or tomorrow) ..... have a rocking year ahead bro!!!